One of the great blessings of being part of a community is that you get a chance to meet a variety of people. At Goonerholics Forever we have been lucky to acquire some new regular posters from all over the world, all with very interesting and important life experiences and all with a deep shared love of Arsenal Football Club.
Recently we were contacted by Depressed Gooner and we were very touched by the openness of his posts and also very impressed and interested by his insights into the team on our recent journey around the world. We felt his story was one that was very significant and one that might help others who have experienced similar challenges. He has been kind and brave enough to share some of the story of his life and his illness with us and it is impossible not to respect the way he has risen to deal with multiple mental, emotional and physical challenges.
While the obstacles that he has had to contend with are immense it is clear that Arsenal has become a huge part of his life and we wanted to know how supporting the team had helped him. Here is his story and a glimpse of what Arsenal means to him
DG, your internet handle of Depressed Gooner is there for a reason. Can you tell us a little of your history?
Unfortunately depression has been with me since I was ten or eleven, I was that quiet introverted kid who was ignored even by the bullies lol. We were homeless by the time I was twelve, with no proper home until I was almost sixteen.
As you grew up how did you try to deal with your depression?
I created a ‘fake me’ in my twenties that people seemed to like and up until 2020 still seemed to but it never helped with my depression. I lost my mum and both my dogs in a little over twelve months and that really spiralled me down and truthfully I’m not sure if I have ever really recovered.
Losses like that must have been horrendous for you. How did your life develop?
I never went back to school and did manual or retail jobs until caring for my mum took over for a few years. What never changed from childhood to adulthood was my love of reading. I’m a voracious reader, or at least I was. When I went back into the workplace I resolved to get a better life and in less than eighteen months I went from shelf filler at Morrisons to assistant manager at Robert Dyas. In the next three years, I became assistant manager at Homebase then they got mismanaged by Bunnings and I pivoted to a call centre operative for my housing association.
What challenges did that present?
I had to deal with a suicide call on my very first day but the benefit of my being a depressive is that I stay calm and focused and talked the chap down. This same ability to be calm saw me being in the top 1% of staff and recruited into the management programme and as staff representative to the board.
That sounds encouraging. What happened after this?
Then, in March 2020 I caught COVID and by May it became clear that I was not getting better. Since then, I’ve had two heart attacks, developed diabetes due to COVID along with fibromyalgia, hearing loss and some visual loss. I have constant tiredness and pain, huge short term memory issues, and it takes a long time for me to be able to do almost anything from reading to writing or typing.
How did your employer react?
I was of course medically discharged from my, oh so caring, employer and all of my life savings are long gone, meagre though they were. I struggle on a daily basis through a system seemingly designed not to care.
Have you felt supported by the state even as you fell out of the social fabric?
The state were utterly unsupportive at the beginning. My work had stopped paying me and despite the heart attack and long covid (all supported by evidence) an adviser told me to get a 2nd job and stopped my benefits. I spiralled for a few days but then had a phone call from one of his colleagues whose job was to listen to calls and evaluate them. She was horrified and so apologetic about him, she not only restored my benefits she put me into a protected group for serious long term illness for three years.
Are your health issues resolving at all?
Sorry to say I’m in a small group of people who are getting worse not better. My energy levels vary from low (like today) to non-existent. Thankfully its been a low-key relaxed Christmas, so I’m decent today but rather ridiculously writing this and then watching the game later will probably wipe me out for a few days.
That’s a very sad story and will evoke great sympathy from us all. It is so important to have a focus, a kind of escape valve and Arsenal fulfils that function for you. Arsenal clearly are a big part of your life but how did you become an Arsenal fan?
1989 and I have almost no interest in football but my brother is an ardent Liverpool fan, insufferably and arrogantly so. Slowly but surely I begin following Arsenal and his arrogance increases until THAT game. The gleeful almost joyous belief from my brother is unbearable, “Liverpool have not lost 2-0 at Anfield”. Now I’m roaring Arsenal on in a seemingly hopeless fight, when there’s a goal and I actually scream in happiness and my brother actually delights in my pointless optimism because “Liverpool do not lose 2-0 at Anfield!”
My loose support for Arsenal, to annoy my brother, has been getting stronger with every game and now I’m surprised to find it will devastate me if Arsenal lose this game. I’m in love with the fight and determination of each and every player and then the miracle occurs and my brother explodes in expletives and I definitely know I’m in love for sure, nothing is the same again.
Have you been able to get to see us play on any occasions?
I had two chances to go to Highbury but personal tragedies prevented me both times, and no chances to go to the Emirates have ever come up although I did get to watch Arsenal when they played Reading at the Madejski stadium once.
What was your best moment as an Arsenal supporter?
1989 and 2004 both loom large of course but watching Wrighty break the goal scoring record and then seeing Henry do it again are also special memories, but nobody else has a gold title so it has to be the unbeatables for me.
How do Arsenal results affect your mood given the problems you have told us about?
A help and a hindrance as a glorious win or battling draw can do wonders for my mood-set but a poor performance or unjust defeat can make it considerably worse. Our defeat in the Champions League final can still set off a depression even now!
You gave us your thoughts on the season, so far, a few weeks ago. How do you think things have progressed since then?
I still have reservations as I thought Kai was quiet against Liverpool but he is changing my mind, Raya is not and if we lose Ramsdale because of Arteta deciding to change the one thing that was not needed, I shall start to have doubts about his general game-plan too. Liverpool showed what a striker can do and, although getting a Salah is not easy, we definitely need a cold blooded goal machine.
How well do you think we can do this season?
With a few tweaks this could be the best Arsenal side ever, Mikel needs to tweak and add only when he needs to tweak and add not just for the sake of it. The core of the squad is awesome and with Timber, who looked amazing, still to come in and strengthen an already impressive defence, all we need is that goal-getter; and with our midfield able to provide opportunities aplenty this could be a very exciting time, indeed, to be a Gooner.
DG, that was a very honest, frank and courageous insight into the challenges you have had to contend with. Please be reassured that you have the support and backing of the community we have assembled here at GHF. Our thoughts are with you and we wish you great strength and resilience. And, of course, we hope Arsenal give you great happiness and a sense of satisfaction in 2024. Our very best wishes go with you.
A remarkable piece. Congratulations DG and well done TTG for producing the narrative. Mental illness touches so many yet, until recently, it wasn’t something that was talked about. Equally sport is derided by many, yet it can be so powerful in giving us something to believe in.
Warm best wishes to you.
♥️
Great article. Many thanks to all involved in producing it.
A moving testimony, DG. Thank you for being so open about the poor hand life has dealt you, but which you are playing courageously. Stay strong. As TTG says, everyone here is with you and may the Arsenal continue to buoy your spirits.
Thanks for sharing your story, DG, and the same to TTG for facilitating in the telling. They say it’s the hope that kills you but that certainly doesn’t tell the whole story. Keep with it!
Cheers DG and TTG. ‘Great’ stuff (you know what I mean).
Thanks a lot for sharing your experience, keep the fight and the love!
Yours is an extremely moving story, DG. As others have observed, you display great tenacity and courage. I do hope that the Arsenal can lift your spirits this year and that the long Covid and its complications improve significantly. Your opinions on the Arsenal are, as ever, entirely correct. I wish you much better health in 2024.
DG,
Many thanks indeed for sharing your story with us here at GHF. I hope that your reading and being part of our community here manages to offer a little light. You are clearly a man with a huge amount of tenacity to have fought so many difficulties. I salute you. Keep on visiting and commenting here as you really are a part of our fabric.
Thanks DG, to be honest TTG has expressed my feelings far better than I could have done in his final paragraph, many thanks to you both. Also, it was good to hear someone, somewhere in the state machine had a heart and gave you some help.
dg, thank you for sharing all of that with us via ttg (well done, sir). exposing your inner workings to the public, especially when they’re not working the way you’d want them to be, takes bravery. i hope talking about it with people who care and who share a common interest will bring you surcease, at least in any given moment.
i agree with matt: whoever that person was listening to the initial call is an angel; i also hope they acted as a reaper, getting whoever your initial agent was fired on the spot…
be well. COYG!
Congrats and thanks to both of you for a really fine article.
And strength and good health to you, DG. Keep dropping in – always good to see you here.
And the award for best picture (#3 of 24) on Arsenal’s final training session out in Dubai (on the dot.con) goes to Benny Blanco for his pose with the drinking gourd. A nice and sunny time was had by all, it seems.
A harrowing story DG and very well presented by TTG. You show us how people can cope in adversity and I tip my hat to your fortitude and honesty. It brings our own life into perspective. Please keep commenting in the drinks – you are very, very welcome.
We are selling Cedric to Besilktas is the least believable transfer story I’ve read so far. Unfortunately there isn’t a most believable one
Matt
I very much doubt if we will receive a bean for Cedric and you might find at around £100k a week that we subsidise his wages
He was signed when Kia Joorabchian held sway at Arsenal and he is his agent
Thanks TTG for taking the time to go through my rambling thoughts and turn them into something coherent.
Thanks for all the kind comments too fellow gooners but please forgive me if I don’t comment individually but I’m a bit wiped at the moment.
Just a quickie worry for me, News is that we are prepared to sell Smith Rowe to finance a purchase, which after wasting money on two players we didn’t need in Havertz and Raya would prove to me that Artetas arrogance is not only costing us points but also committed and dedicated Arsenal players and that is a worry.
TTG,
Looking at my post @14 I might have phrased it badly, I completely agree with you that no one will give us money for Cedric.
Matt, TTG – I think we might be able to get a bean for Cedric – I mean, anything is better than nothing, surely ?
The question is what sort of bean would be suitable – even at 32, still too trim for a broad bean, his defending might suggest a half-baked bean ‘though not a runner bean. Still, any offer would be good for a has been, wouldn’t it, old bean ?
Here’s a thought, if we sell Aaron Ramsey for 50 million and buy Raya for 20 million we have a keeper of similar standard for nothing.
That other clubs would value them as mentioned would be something of a concern vis a vis their respective abilities, I fear
Value isn’t based on ability alone. Thought we already had an agreement with Brentford for about 20m given his contract is up in Summer. Ramsdale must be worth close to 50m given his experience and length of contract.
No it isn’t, but it’s probably the best proxy we have….
Quality article. Well done both. Very best to you DG.
Ability is only one of the many factors reflected in a transfer fee, which is best thought of as a compensation payment from one club to another for the cancellation of the traded player’s contract. On that basis, my back-of-an-envelope calculation is that Ramsdale should sell for £51 million and Raya for £34 million. So, if we have a fixed price for Raya of £20 million, there is an obvious arbitrage trade there.
Trev@18: You’ve got your finger on the pulse.
Thank you TTG for this very thoughtful interview.
And thank you DG for your courage, patience and your willingness to share your story. I sincerely hope your health — physical and mental — improve in coming days. My very best wishes.
Trev,
Money for Cedric? Do me a fava mate, no chance.
Bit of a stretch that one but I couldn’t think of anything to go with haricot 🫘
I’m just not a magician like that kid, what’s is name, harri cotter.
Things to consider with a transfer fee:
Are Arsenal interested?
Are Arsenal trying to get rid
Ability – covers a range of attributes
Age
Length of contract
Experience of EPL
Being English for some reason
Injury history
Its only an arbir0trage if the assets are fungible. – Is the incoming goalkeeper as good? Not thus far in my opinion. Does the incoming transfer destabilise the defence? Thus far, yes.
Nuts.
Not as good as 1st season Rammy no, but 2nd season is a different matter and similar standard is, to me, fair enough. Personally, I was ok with Aaron last season but his standard had dropped slightly and in the 2nd half of last season I remember many reasonable judges here and elsewhere were questioning whether he was good enough.
I’m being told there is genuine interest in a short term loan for Benzema . This is a very high risk move if true and maybe has a 20% chance of working
If Benzema 2024 is as fit and motivated as Benzema 2022-3 was, I would take him on loan for half a season.
Half a season, but no more. As TTG suggests, it would be a roll of the dice. He is technically accomplished enough to fit better with us than at the Bus Stop, but how quickly would he adjust to Premier League football? Also, he couldn’t remotely be considered the long-term solution as our No. 9. The other questions are, at 36, would he want longer than half a season, how much would he cost (the Saudis reportedly pay him the equivalent of £4 million a week; how bad must life be in the kingdom to turn his back on that), and given his defamation suit against France’s Interior Minister in connection with the Gaza war, would political baggage become a distraction?
CER@30: Not everyone defines arbitrage like a bond or currency trader, but regardless, if I had said flip sale, it would have been a better choice of words.
I see we have been linked to that slug Guimaraes today. I can’t believe he’s a target for the Arsenal nor can I remotely believe that the Codes would sell/loan him to us.
L’Équipe says Benzema is back in SA, training tomorrow and should stay there until the end of the season. So you can forget about that particular possibility.
Really Ollie. I saw him in Holloway Road Waitrose this evening. I wasn’t being obviously nosey but I did notice he had more than 10 items at the 6 item till. I wanted to say something but I didn’t.
lol sancho!
he buys what he wants to 🤣
Salah forced off with a hamstring injury before Egypt came from behind to draw with Ghana in the Africa Cup of Nations. Liverpool fans face an anxious wait to discover the extent of the problem …
@37 I am not at all surprised SP, he is a known criminal after all.
It’s not often I really don’t want a player but I was willing to make
an exception for Benzema.
Heh Sancho!
It appears West Ham are attempting to take ESR on loan for the rest of the season . I would be appalled if we let him go . Meanwhile we are likely to take back Tavares who is close to unsellable . So we pushed out Tierney and get back Tavares and heaven for fend we push out ESR and have purchased Havertz at £60 m. I’m not seeing positive outcomes here
TTG. With the greatest of respect, I do wish you would stop reproducing pearl clutching rumours that have been comprehensively rubbished.
As I understand it, West Ham asked if they could loan him. Arsenal said no. ESR said he wasn’t interested.
It’s a non story. Calm down dear!
>>>>>>>
C100
I’m grateful for your reassurance. I understand the rumour started from a West Ham fan on Twitter . I can fully understand West Ham wanting him but our squad is looking a bit thin . He has an important role to play for us .
This transfer window is a bit of a non-event for most clubs as FFP starts to really bite . Or it bites the clubs who don’t lawyer up to delay judgments by several years